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重塑亲子关系:从体罚到亲情培养与成长

李彩芳, 吉隆坡

在座谈会听到的许多体验分享,不断印证池田先生的教导:“只要自身改变,环境就会改变。”让我开始相信,自己也是能做出改变。

Lee Choy Fong自从孩子学会走路、奔跑,就变得非常好动和爱闹,有时还会打起来。

由于我从小是被打骂长大的,所以无意识地沿用了原生家庭的教育方式管教孩子。如果骂了不听,我就挥舞藤条。

小时候,只要我们其中一个孩子顽皮,妈妈就会把全部孩子抓进房间鞭打。

纵使在如此严酷的管教方式下,我们兄弟姐妹仍“安然无恙”地成长。因此我会认为“不打不成才”,如此方式才能让孩子乖巧长大。

然而,我的孩子却截然不同,他们对我的反抗异常激烈。某次,我体罚5岁的女儿后,她气愤地紧握电话筒说:“你再打,我就报警!”她也试过收拾衣物,对我说:“你再打,我就离家出走!”

孩子的反弹使我十分错愕。我瞪大眼睛看着她,眼泪往心里流。我当时觉得自己每天为家庭奔波劳碌,孩子却叛逆、不听话,感觉自己很委屈。

母子关系紧绷,我仿佛在黑暗度日。我没有改变,仍旧鞭打孩子,但愈打心里的痛楚愈深,愈使孩子失去脸上的光彩,家里气氛变得压抑、沉寂。

如果时光能够倒流,我绝不会使用体罚教育。庆幸我能结识日莲佛法和创价学会,改变我的家庭教育观,从而变革我的人生。

初信功德

结婚伊始,我便答应入信多年的丈夫成为学会员。但我只是每天敷衍地唱诵三句题目

长子出生时,因吸入含胎便的羊水而缺氧窒息数秒,出世后需要氧气辅助和医生高度关注,所幸无大碍。但我身为新手妈妈,着实受惊。

接着,长女从襁褓期开始就特别爱哭。我用尽办法也无法安抚她。

由于前两胎的经历,当怀上第三胎时,我开始担忧再度面对生产后的难题。当时一直照顾我的妇人部前辈前来探望,看见我一脸愁容,便以自身的育儿经验,鼓励我设下“顺利生产、容易照顾”的祈求目标。

我听从她的建议,虔心祈求。小女儿的生产过程和襁褓期都非常顺利,几乎每天晚上8点多喝奶后就一觉睡到天亮,我也因此获得充足的休息。

祈愿顺遂让我对日莲佛法产生了确信,从此开始认真唱题。

Lee Choy Foong

学会活动使我成长

在唱题声中,我经常反思生活中的点滴,逐渐看到了自己的问题。

过去当孩子违抗或不听话,我就会责骂他们。我想支配一切,结果反被愤怒支配、受环境影响。

座谈会上我听到许多体验分享,都不约而同地引述池田先生所教导的“只要自身改变,环境就会改变。”我心生确信:我也能做出改变。

我开始思考如何使孩子愿意亲近我。从照顾和培养少年部员的经验中,我学习了理解孩子的心,与孩子促进沟通。

通过和信心前辈一起关怀会员,我加深了自信与确信。接受干部责任后,我开始主动联系会员。在反复的联系、见面、交谈之中,我察觉自己的心开始改变,我不再对周遭环境感到不满,反而心生感激。在我最烦恼的时候,我得到会员的鼓励与支持,才能继续前进。如今由我来支援他人,打从心底地说出“鼓励的话”。

我发现,虽然看似在鼓励别人,自己却获得更大的鼓励。不知不觉中,我与孩子的关系已变得融洽,能促膝交谈,凡事好商量。

Lee Choy Foong

夫妻休戚与共

婚后,我和外子常为钱财问题产生摩擦。在决心一同唱题祈求后,我们一次次地克服了经济困境。

当外子面对失业问题,我们虔诚祈求,尽管他已迈入中年,仍获得在大型车厂入职的机会,并工作至今。

如今,我正为三个孩子顺利上大学而努力祈求。

与他人分享佛法已成为我的日常。最近一位友人向我倾诉孩子的烦恼,我满怀自信地告诉他,只要敞开心怀与孩子沟通,一定可以解决问题!

今后我也要不断发出“鼓励的声音”,让身边的人能绽放幸福的笑容。

藤条依然摆在家中显眼的地方。但它已失去使用价值,而成了鞭策我前进的“纪念品”。

摘自2022年9月份《宇宙

Siow Yoon Kee had a long-standing ambition to become a doctor since his secondary school days. However, his motivation to save lives had not taken deep root.

During his college years, he battled gastrointestinal diseases and sought medical treatment from numerous doctors but to no avail. Coupled with a demanding schedule, he experienced immense stress and despair, even contemplating ending his life. Eventually, through the power of chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo (daimoku), he realised that his illness was a consequence of an irregular lifestyle, and acknowledged his own arrogance and negligence in his faith. This profound experience led to a shift in his perspective on the purpose of becoming a doctor.

After graduating, he was filled with joy and excitement on his first day of work, being addressed as a doctor. However, that excitement didn’t last. The overwhelming workload, long hours, and the constant fear of being reprimanded for mistakes quickly diminished his initial joy. As a result, the tough realities of the job made him less motivated and less excited about the work he had to do.

Yoon Kee reflected, “I would feel annoyed by patients, especially during night shifts when they complained of pain. I would question them with a skeptical tone. It seemed like I had become a terrible doctor, losing my passion for the job. During those unpleasant days, it was through repeatedly chanting the daimoku that I gradually reflected on my own attitude.”

“I recall a training session for the Beacon Group, a medical group within Soka Gakkai Malaysia, where our seniors encouraged us to face the Gohonzon with our most authentic selves. Inspired by their guidance, I wholeheartedly put it into practice and truly felt the profound joy that daimoku brings. Chanting the daimoku is indeed the greatest of all joys.”

Doctor Siow Yoon Kee

The power of daimoku awakened a profound sense of compassion in Yoon Kee, inspiring him to strive in his human revolution and towards becoming a doctor who could genuinely listen to his patients’ voices.

“After a change in mindset, it was incredible how I found myself wanting to treat patients like family and making an effort to truly listen to their words. My colleagues also noticed that I was more energetic and confident.”

However, transformation takes time and effort. Yoon Kee realised that the biggest hurdle for a doctor is their own sense of superiority. Therefore, his aim was to cultivate resilience and to serve selflessly without seeking personal gain. With the goal of becoming a skilled listener, step by step he made steady progress.

“Once, there was a patient in the final stages of cancer who told me he felt hungry and wanted something to eat. Although I was busy with work, I took a couple of minutes to feed the patient before tending to other patients and resuming my duties. Sadly, the patient passed away thirty minutes later. It was a moment that made me appreciate the power and significance of chanting daimoku, as it enabled me to be there at a crucial time and fulfill the patient’s last wish.

“On another occasion, there was a patient who complained to me, pointing out, “You see, my hands are still swollen, and the medication you prescribed is not effective!” In that moment, I patiently reassured the patient, emphasizing the importance of trusting in the medication’s effectiveness. I assured them that if they maintained their belief, they would experience improvement quickly. As a result, after a few days, the patient’s hand recovered, and the swelling subsided.”

Yoon Kee’s transformation became increasingly apparent over time. Through the practice of faith, he has been forged into becoming a doctor with a sense of mission who confronts the challenges of society with determination. While he humbly recognizes his own areas for growth, he consistently emphasises his resolute dedication to becoming a proficient listener and continuously improving himself.

Adapted from Cosmic May 2017

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