My children have always been very active and boisterous ever since they were able to walk and run around. Sometimes they would even fight with each other.

I had adopted the similar discipline I had when I was young onto my children. If my scolding yielded no effects, I’d immediately make use of the cane just as my mother did with my siblings and me.

When we were young, if one of us misbehaved, my mother would lock us all in a room and punish us.

Despite such a form of discipline, we still lived a safe and joyful life, growing up together. Therefore, it became ingrained in my mind that such disciplinary actions worked well in ensuring that children would behave appropriately and were necessary for their growth.

However, my children are entirely different. They exhibit a very high level of resistance. Even after employing a similar method as my mother, my daughter would express her intention to report to the police or run away from home.

I was taken aback by her reaction and my heart ached from her words. It felt unfair as I was trying to make a living for the family while they were misbehaving.

As such, our relationship grew tense, which left me feeling depressed. The more I resorted to using the cane on them, the heavier the burden on my heart became, ultimately detrimental to their childhood and the overall atmosphere at home.

I realised if I could go back in time, I would never have resorted to using the cane. Fortunately, I was introduced to Nichiren Buddhism and the Soka Gakkai which revolutionised my concept of family education and transformed my life.

First Benefit of Practising Faith

Ever since I got married, I had made a promise to my husband, who has been practicing Nichiren Buddhism, to embrace the faith. However, I only recited three daimoku each day.

When my eldest son was born, he suffocated for a few seconds due to swallowing amniotic fluid which was stained with meconium. As a result, right after birth, he needed oxygen supply and constant monitoring by the doctors. Fortunately, there was no other serious problem. However, as a new mother, I was totally overwhelmed.

At the same time, my elder daughter had been crying a lot since infancy. I tried various methods but none of them succeeded.

I lacked confidence when I became pregnant for the third time, worried that the new child would bring more challenges. Just when I was feeling down, a senior in faith from the women’s division visited me. Based on her own parenting experience, she encouraged me to set a prayer goal for the smooth delivery of my child.

Chanting with this goal in mind, the childbirth and my youngest daughter’s early months went well. She consistently slept through the night, allowing me to rest.

This positive experience deepened my faith in Nichiren Buddhism, and I started practicing it more seriously.

Growth through Soka Gakkai Activities

While chanting, I would often calmly reflect on life and gradually came to see my own faults.

In the past, when my child would disobey or not listen, I would scold them. I wanted to control everything, but in reality, I was controlled by anger and the environment.

The countless faith experiences I encountered during discussion meetings consistently reinforced the wisdom of SGI President Ikeda‘s teachings: ‘As long as I change myself, the environment will change.’ Consequently, I started to firmly believe that I too could bring about transformative changes.

I also started to wonder how I could make my children more willing to get close to me, and I learned to communicate better with them through my experiences nurturing the junior division members.

I followed the guidance of my seniors in faith by home-visiting members, which boosted my self-confidence and strengthened my conviction in the Gohonzon. After assuming leadership responsibilities, I initiated contact with members, organised meetings, and engaged in dialogues repeatedly, and my heart began to transform. I no longer felt discontent with my surroundings; instead, I am filled with gratitude. I learnt to encourage others just as how members encouraged and supported me, allowing me to move forward during my troubling times.

I discovered that while it appeared that I was encouraging others, I was in fact more profoundly encouraged in return. Before I knew it, my children and I began to have a closer bond.

Advancing Together as Husband and Wife

My husband and I used to quarrel a lot over financial matters. After chanting together, we now walk the same path hand-in-hand and have overcome several financial difficulties.

We prayed fervently when he was unemployed, and it led to him securing a job opportunity despite his age.

My prayer goal has now shifted to wishing for all my children to attend university. Moreover, sharing Nichiren Buddhism has become a daily practice in my life. Recently, a friend confided in me about his child’s issues, and I confidently advised him that through active communication with his child, they could overcome these challenges.

I will continue spreading words of encouragement to bring smiles of joy and happiness to those around me.

While the canes still occupy visible spots in my home, they serve no practical purpose. Instead, they’ve transformed into symbolic mementos that inspire and drive me forward.

Adapted from Cosmic January 2023