I am the head of the finance department at an international college. Every month, my team interact with students or their parents to settle bills or fees. Our basic working attitude is to take the lead in communicating with them, patiently understanding their concerns and suggesting the best solutions.

However, since childhood, I was diagnosed with a speech delay, which made it difficult for me to express myself clearly and communicate effectively. Because of this, my parents encouraged me to participate in SGM activities.

To ensure I grew up healthy, my parents enrolled me in a regular childcare centre and encouraged me to play and interact more with other children. They also asked my elder brother to accompany me to learn the abacus and participate in SGM’s junior division and culture group activities.

In SGM, the senior members consistently supported me, and I truly value their guidance. Their help enabled me to gain benefits in faith and navigate my youth with confidence.

Starting university was a completely unfamiliar experience, and everything felt overwhelming from the start. I was consumed by the fear of interacting with others, which led me to retreat into silence. I avoided initiating conversations and gradually isolated myself. Over time, I became convinced that I was suffering from social anxiety disorder.

In my third year of university, the SGM Perak student division proposed a “Peace Day” exhibition to promote SGI President Ikeda’s peace ideals. I was chosen as one of the main coordinators, responsible for inviting the university president and professors to the opening ceremony. This task made me incredibly anxious, but I knew I had to face my fear. I chanted daimoku, praying for courage. Despite the anxiety, chanting helped me manifest the courage to approach them and extend the invitation. Thanks to our persistent efforts, the event was a success. I felt a huge sense of joy, knowing I had conquered my inner fear.

Battling Fear Once Again

Conquering one challenge didn’t mean I had defeated the fear deep within me. After graduation, I stayed home for 11 months—not because I couldn’t find a job, but because I was too afraid to go out and search for one.

Instead of using my skills and education in society, I became confused and spiraled into a deeper vortex of fear. I was terrified of facing strangers and an uncertain future. Although still living in the university dormitory, the care and concern from my parents and relatives only added to the unbearable psychological pressure. My father continued to send me a monthly allowance, which filled me with shame and self-blame.

I was defeated by my inner fear and fell into a disorderly and decadent life enveloped by total darkness. How could I stand up on my feet again?

Then, a Gosho passage flashed across my mind: “Suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life, and continue chanting Nam- myoho-renge-kyo, no matter what happens.”

I realised this was a decisive battle—a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to transform my karma and win over my fear. With that, I made a firm decision to challenge myself by chanting abundant daimoku. I prayed with unwavering resolve to conquer my inner fear, secure a job, and restore normalcy to my life, all while gaining the courage to keep contributing to SGM.

Later, I was introduced to someone who offered me a position as his personal assistant with a high salary—my first job after graduation. Although the role required me to interact with many people, I was determined to face each challenge head-on, with courage and without hesitation.

Exuding humanity in the finance department

Now in my fourth year as the head of the finance department at an international college, I lead a team of three to five members dedicated to providing various financial solutions for thousands of students and their families. We offer options like special installment plans, company support, and bank loans, striving to make tuition payments manageable so students can focus on their studies.

Each time a student manages to pay their tuition, I experience a profound sense of happiness. In this environment filled with numbers and figures, I strive to reflect the humanity that President Ikeda envisions, aiming to contribute to society and support others.

When I first took on my current role, the previous head of the department had high expectations for classification, procedures, accuracy, and formatting in every report. While his feedback could be quite direct, I eventually realized that his approach pushed me to grow and improve. Initially, I found it challenging, but I came to appreciate the standards he set and the importance of attention to detail.

However, I was concerned about the harsh environment this created, especially when I learned that a female colleague had been reprimanded so severely that it brought her to tears. This realization prompted me to reflect on the impact of different leadership styles. Over time, I gained valuable insights from this experience, which inspired me to cultivate a more encouraging and supportive environment. Now, I focus on offering guidance rather than criticism in the workplace. I strive to lead and support my team by promoting thoughtful communication and a meticulous approach to our work. Together, we aim to minimize mistakes and ensure the timely completion of every task.

Upon reflection, I overcame my shortcomings and difficulties through strong faith, for which I am sincerely grateful. When I encounter young people struggling with low self-esteem, social phobia, or a lack of confidence, I empathize with their experiences, knowing firsthand what they are going through. I am determined to work even harder to be a beacon of hope and to achieve success in both society and the workplace.

Adapted from January 2023 COSMIC