As a perfectionist, I have always been gripped by my own fears of failure, of being a disappointment, of never being good enough.

At times, I think of myself as a moving paradox on one hand gripped by insecurity while on the other itching to be courageous. Such opposing emotions spill over to my approach towards my career as well.

I grew up wanting to be a journalist, inspired by how news shaped minds and perspectives. However I didn’t take a straight path towards journalism, taking multiple detours before pursuing a master’s in journalism at an Ivy League school.

Facing challenges in the real world

But despite graduating from a renowned university, job hunting was difficult with many relatives and friends questioning my choice of profession. After all, journalists are known to be poorly paid. I eventually found my niche within the news industry, as a field journalist covering major breaking news events from infamous airline accidents to refugee crises, and financial scandals to political assassinations. Behind the facade of the so-called glamorous news life was an incredibly toxic work environment where pageview counts matter more than justice and ethics. I recall having my writing being criticised as atrocious, stories being stolen from me, a direct manager who ignored me on purpose and badmouthed my colleagues and I to appear more capable to the upper management these were the challenges I dealt with regularly.

By 2018, I suffered from extreme fatigue and was burning out fast. I was no longer happy with the job, and mentally and physically ill equipped to do reporting work. I became jaded a far cry from when I first began with ideals of wanting to write articles that “change the world.” This unhappiness was eating me up from within. I knew that it all stemmed from feelings of frustration that my ideal of wanting to create an impact with my writing is vastly different from the reality of a news industry that is obsessed with clicks. These feelings of helplessness caused me great suffering internally.

Employing the strategy of the Lotus Sutra

I then decided to muster courage again and set new goals. Turning back to my Buddhist practice, I resolved to
1) be absolutely happy and to create value at the workplace, and
2) manifest my potential to the fullest at work.

I knew placing these objectives would also mean switching jobs. I didn’t know where to and what I would do but I didn’t want to veer too far off from the news industry a field that I have grown to love despite all the anguish. Simultaneously, I also began to pour my heart into doing my utmost best to encourage fellow members in their Buddhist practice and introduce new friends to Nichiren Buddhism.

When 2020 came, I resolved to do marathon chanting and hit the refresh button with my approach towards my Buddhist practice. My prayers were infused with a new resolve that I was not going to chant for the sake of chanting but to chant with the mindset that absolute victory was already at my fingertips.

On top of that I decided to be courageous and resigned despite not having any job offers at that time and to trust my own prayer that the best results and best laid plans would pan out in due time.

The day I resigned was before anyone knew that a pandemic and lockdowns were coming. By the time my notice period was up, I was in the middle of the first Movement Control Order and I had no clue what I’d do next.

I remember getting a lot of criticism for throwing in my resignation letter from relatives who said I was foolish and ungrateful that I had a job to friends who asked me to retract my letter, given that the economy had ground to a halt. But I still chose to leave as I refused to compromise my happiness.

Trusting the Buddha nature within

This was a battle against my own fundamental darkness.

After eight months of fervent chanting, I received an offer from a technology company to run newsroom training across Southeast Asia, giving free newsroom training to help journalists and editors upskill themselves in the digital age. Although this was a contract role, the scope of work fits my prayer objectives perfectly to derive joy while creating value and also enable me to truly manifest my potential.

A lot of what I do focuses on creating more fact checking awareness, empowering newsrooms to confidently produce more engaging content. Another aspect of the job is running media literacy projects involving engagement with local grassroots organisations in different countries to prevent false content from spreading. 

I ended my two year contract with the company on a high note, after being tasked to run two major campaigns in the Asia Pacific region. First was an annual misinformation summit bringing together fact-checkers, academics and journalists to discuss and share ideas on how to combat misinformation at the grassroots level. In 2022, there were nearly 2,000 registrants with a Nobel Peace Prize laureate as the keynote speaker. Second was a verification campaign targeted at introducing fact-checking to youth which ran in eight languages, receiving over 4,000 participants and 38,000 views online.

The way forward

I am immensely grateful for the opportunities given to me and it was an actual proof that a prayer with deep resolve can open the path to victory. What I do now is basically turning dreams into action, producing contributive work and helping local newsrooms thrive.

Years of working have taught me that hard work, efficiency and talent are key elements but more importantly, one needs to have good fortune to thrive. In situations where managers do not value my hard work and achievements, and when I hit the glass ceiling, what can I do? The answer is simple yet hard to do – keep chanting Nam myoho renge kyo with full conviction that I am a Buddha and I am victorious.

Through prayer, I have overcome my own fears, be at the right place at the right time to meet the right people who would provide me opportunities I needed to shine. Upon ending my contract, I was fortunate that my manager offered to have me as an external consultant, with a retainer fee that is higher than my previous salary.

This has been a long journey and one that hasn’t even reached its midpoint! Through it all, my mentor SGI President Ikeda’s words have been a source of motivation to not succumb to my inner demons and not give up.

“Prayer is the courage to persevere. It is the struggle to overcome our own weakness and lack of confidence in ourselves. It is the act of impressing in the very depths of our being the conviction that we can change the situation without fail. Prayer is the way to destroy all fear. It is the way to banish sorrow, the way to light a torch of hope. It is the revolution that rewrites the scenario of our destiny. Believe in yourself! Don’t sell yourself short! Devaluing yourself is contrary to Buddhism, because it denigrates the Buddha state of being within you.

I’ve learnt to accept and embrace my own Buddhahood and to never sell myself short ever again! With that I am determined to continue to be a trailblazer, and merge my Buddhist values with my work, bringing hope and awareness especially to youth and young journalists.

Adapted from January 2023 COSMIC